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This Valentine’s, Skip the Roses. Pay Your Damn Child Support Instead.

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Daddy, you owe Mommy.

Dear ladies: chances are, you’re gonna get pregnant tonight. Actually, the data shows that your chances of getting pregnant remain disproportionately high compared to your Singaporean or Malaysian friends.

That’s because 1 out of 3 pregnancies in the the Philippines is unplanned. 1 out 10 teenage  girls between 15 and 19 is already a mother. In fact, we have the highest teenage pregnancy rate in Asia. And that figure is growing, in spite of teenage pregnancy rates going down around the world. There’s even a list of local celebrity moms.

You can probably count at least more than five women among your circle of friends who are single moms. I have so much respect for them. In my experience, they tend to be the hardest-working and most resilient people I know.

Though unplanned pregnancies are public health (lack of contraceptives keeps HIV rates high) and social justice (unwanted pregnancies hurt the poor the most) concerns, there’s something I don’t think the public data captures adequately: the cultural predisposition of Filipino men to avoid paying child support.

How many men involved in unplanned pregnancies actually pay for child support? I don’t know. But based on anecdotal evidence, I’m guessing not much. There’s even a House Bill seeking to criminalize this.

Maybe these men can’t afford it. There are more women college graduates than men, after all. Maybe they just want to break ties completely. Maybe it’s baggage that blocks out prospects of being with another woman. Maybe they don’t feel as responsible, since it’s a sunk cost: you’ve partaken in the short-term upside, but don’t bear the cost of the long term downside. Or siguro macho ka lang.

I got into an argument with a buddy of mine over this sometime back. “It’s not entirely the guy’s fault, you know,” was his consensus response.

And in my head, I’m like, “What a fucking cop out.” We all know which party usually initiates the sexual advance.

And we all know the classic Pinoy Bro trick: using unprotected sex to hold a woman emotionally hostage by demanding proof of her devoted, unconditional love.

“If you really love me, you’ll make me happy.”

Fuck that. So for all the ladies out there, I propose the following: do what whatever fits your lifestyle and values. It’s not my place to tell you how to live your life or treat your partners. But as downside protection, I suggest:

  1. If you are unmarried and he insists on unprotected sex, ask him to set up an escrow account in your name.
  2. Ask him to deposit 10% of his pre-tax income for every act. Naturally, verify his pay slip.
  3. Write an options contract requiring him to pay, in the event of an unwanted pregnancy, 50% of his income on the first trimester, 50% on the second, and so on, with 20% of his income going to ongoing support until your child’s 21st year.
  4. Ask some ex-Oplan Tokhang thugs to help enforce this contract. A better use of their time and killing drug addicts. I promise.
  5. And most of all, do not ever contemplate marriage just because you have a child together.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

 

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